Confession Ten: Some Days Not Even a GPS System Can Predict the Final Destination of Any Adventure

Friends … you pick them and most days, you aren’t sure why – but you love those select goobers anyways because they bring out the best in you and more than likely give you the best memories.

We all have THOSE days that turn into THOSE nights. They usually happen in college and are aided by some sort of liquid courage … then you pretend to grow-up and the liquid courage is not needed (nor really wanted in most cases), just stupidity and a sense of adventure.

As bad as it sounds, three of us comprise the “Oreo Cookie” … Harriet, me, and Peaches. We may not be the most politically correct group ever, but we work well together and though trouble manages to GPS itself to our group, we have never traded our "Polo’s and Manolo’s" for jumpsuits! Thank you God! Really, we would look like a hot triple tranny mess in one piece orange suits and I am not trying to trade my bangles in for shackles, okay? Plus, Peaches would whine on a daily basis that her hair needed to be did.

Like most of our adventures, our latest was unstructured, only slightly planned and started out on the wrong foot. Despite having a nice woman read mapquest directions from Harriet’s windshield, we were lost about 20 minutes into our two-hour drive Saturday afternoon. Maybe lost isn’t the right word … temporarily misguided may say it better. Long story short, CP and I went to America's Roller Coast once this summer (I think I might have mentioned that once or twice. “This one time, on our way to band camp …") and I more or less was convinced that route would take us to our destination. I think we were about an inch off of where we needed to be on the map. (Note: Consider a map, consider the scale, do the math. Any further north and we might have been turning the Jimmy into a mini-yacht.) Crisis #1. was later diverted because CP navigated us back to the main road and our route no longer smelled like cow, or alpaca.

Crisis #2 arose when we got to my sister’s house. Once again heavenly beings were on our side because despite TBS (the big sister) and fam not being home we were able to break in through the back yard. So maybe this was not that much of a crisis, but this was my chance to redeem myself. (Yeah, didn’t happen. I was totally still being made fun of – WHICH I DID NOT DESERVE! I totally got us to where we needed to be in the end and introduced an alternate route to the mix.)

Once we left the family, the night becomes a blur of randomness except for the once memory I can not stop flashing back to ... The Cookie was happily chilling (both hanging out and I was cold) at a minor league baseball game when the man in front of us stood up and showed us his home plate – and it was tight and quite possibly used to be white. For some season his belt did not get the memo that it was sunny outside and we got to the dim, saggy moon. I hope you all have a mental picture too - although it can't be as bad as the real thing.

More or less the rest of the night was an even screwier version of that instance. No one else dropped their pants, but a detour not only led us to, away from, and back to a wrong destination (thanks GPS! Wrong hotel!) it also allowed us to crash a wedding after party filled with what could have only been about 20 former Lax players/ex-frat boys – TEE.FREAKIN.HEE. Peaches and I were also given our shot at "ESPN's Dream Job" as we ran play-by-play as our third said goodbye to her long lost friend.

Shenanigans. There is no other way to describe the adventure; although one long car ride would work too! (Love ya girls!)

To recap, let’s set this night straight with a few lessons learned:
1. Listen to the nice voice on the GPS. If it asks if you want to take the toll road always answer Yes!
2. Much like Michigan has its strange “Michigan Left”, Cleveland has its own right turn. To accomplish such a turn you must be the first person in the LEFT LANE at a red light. After rolling to a stop, you must then play chicken in making said right turn with the traffic that is flowing from left to right. Do not signal that you are looking to make such a turn.
3. Say one wrong thing and you will never live it down. It is best to just sing with what is on the radio, especially when the song asks “Ladies” to shake their “bottoms” and let them see what you have. Also, dance while your friend’s mouths drop.
4. Annie said it best, “The sun will come out tomorrow …” and with my friends, you might just see that sunset and after one hundred random acts of stupidity, you are going to see that sun rise too!