Confession Twenty-One: If Alltel Can Put These Five in My Circle, I Am Ready to Switch Serivce!

Maybe I don't say it to the general public enough, but I very much adore CP. Despite my laissez-faire attitude and remarks, we are kind of cute together ...

But it is for that reason, and some others that I can't think of right now, that I am 100% secure in my relationship to present "my list". And before you get mad at me, CP totally has one too, except his is highlighted by a horse-faced broad. (Please see left.)

Admit it, everyone, and I do mean EVERYONE, has "a list". This list is essential to any good relationship ... more or less it names the five people you are comfortable leaving each other for no matter how unattainable they might seem. Oh, and it totally keeps you acutely aware of the fact that you can be replaced at a moment's notice.

Atop my list:
1. ADAM SANDLER - 42, married with a family.
Adam is the proof that high school stereotypes are wrong, the cute funny guy should always get the girl. I firmly believe he is going to be the next iconic 'salt & peppered' sexy old man - that's right Clooney, I am calling you out saying that Adam will claim your throne one day!

2. Dave Matthews - 41, married with a family.
Yet another high school stereotype gone wrong! Give a male a guitar and he is automatically 100x more attractive. Not only can this man write an incredibly heartfelt song, but allow him to sing it - Sigh! This mix is better known as the formula for stimulation overload by the Overachiever. There are few moments in life that are better than listening to David J. and his band mates fill a summer night with his raspy voice and their unique music.



3-5 are too close for comfort so these will be presented in alphabetical order (just like my DVDs.)

Troy Polamalu - 27, married.
This Samoan powerhouse can make or break a game. As a sports girl (and more importantly a Pittsburgh Girl) his athletic ability encouraged me to buy his jersey in pink and wear it with pride. Combine that with his Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde reserved nature in interviews but mad man play on Sundays, and even a female who can't keep a PAT and a FG straight realizes #43 is the reason to tune into the NFL. What am I talking about - the real reason he made this list is that hair. Oh lord I heart that mane!

Mark Richt - 48, married with a family.
I am not afraid to say it - Coach Richt is the best looking HFC in the SEC. PERIOD. All loyalties to other teams aside, I would love to see him become the third SEC head man to get a "new ring" in as many seasons ... I also have considered becoming a lobbyist for his placement in People's Sexiest Men Alive issue.

Rich Rodriguez - 45, married with a family.
As an avid anti-Buckeye, this paring would be all too perfect! He may not have the best record yet, but as the first man in the country to run the spread no-huddle offense in the collegiate game, he will always have me in his fan section!

Other close entries include:
6. John Cusak
7. The Manning Brother's
8. Glenn Beck
9. The Powell Brother's (pictured)
10. Edward Norton

Confession Twenty - Time Life Has a Collection for Every Occasion

I happened to be drinking Kool-Aid while watching a Suze Orman "women's power and how to make moo-la" special the other day when the PBS people decided to interrupt by begging viewers to donate to their cause. Personally, I found it strange that PBS would ask a demographic classified as "looking to save their currency" ... for some of that currency. It all seemed a little oxymoronic to me, but what do I know, I was in the midst of hanging on the word of some bottled blonde in a Matrix-like jacket telling me that I didn't ask to be paid enough at my job.

Because I had no intention to donate to PBS - when they start airing more concerts and less "This Old House" I will be more than happy to write a check - I started to channel surf and came upon something terrifying ...the TIMELIFE "Lifetime of Romance" infomercial. Bobby Vinton (some old singer) and June Chandler (She testified in a Michael Jackson trial, oh and I think she was an actress back in the day) were sitting on a couch in front of a fire place surrounded by roses and candles. I had to stop and look around for a moment because I thought there was a possibility either a puppy or a dove would serendipitously wander into my apartment without some semblance of warning.

Despite the fact that Nat King Cole was feature among the collections' 150 hits, it took everything I had not to chase my Kool-Aid with bleach. 150 love songs? Why would anyone subject themselves to such torture? I honestly thought a small drip of blood had already escaped from my ear but then realized it was just a result of the cheapie earring I had in. (That is the last time I buy earrings from a hippie at an art fair!)

Although I am a HUGE fan of the FlowerPower collection - don't act like you don't get a little excited when Henry Fonda and his cool hair come on screen - because it has badass artists like Janice Joplin, Jefferson Airplane and the Doors, even I can't sit through that whole sex-drug-and-rock-and-roll filled infomercial, giving this lacy, lovey, dovey celebration of condoms and Enzyte a snowballs' shot of catching my eye.

My good friend BOB (no that is not HIS photo - I think this BOB is a little shorter in stature and would never wear a tie) often finds the subject of his blogs to be "MUSIC YOU CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT Vol. X". Consider the list below not only a knock off of his musical expertise, but also the ONLY group compilation albums that TIMELIFE has yet to corner the market on ...

"Now That's Cracktastic!" - Featuring all of your favorites from the FlowerPower CD's with the addition of any an all former Mickey Mouse Kids and the majority of gansta rappers.

"Sugar High" - An unlikely mix of Mandy Moore (Candy), Def Leppard (Pour Some Sugar on Me), Soul For Real (Candy Rain), The Rollin' Stones (Brown Sugar), Jackson 5 (Candy Girl), 50 Cent (Candy Shop) and more!

"Jailbait" - Get ready to bring back those Mouseketters! Not only will Christina Aguilera's "Genie in a Bottle" follow Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus' "The Seven Things I Hate About You" but rap mogul R. Kelly is also scheduled to lay down a few tracks!

I already have the cover art ... think mugshots - Andy Warhol style.

Disclaimer: If you happen to see one of the aforementioned CD's being peddled at 4:00 a.m. please A. Put down the remote. 2. Hide your credit card. D. Get enough sleep that you can call and tell me all about it the next day! I even promise to split the money from my lawsuit with you, but NOT PSB! Suckas!

Confession Nineteen: When I Want Your Opinion, I Will Give It to You!

I feel as if it is time to release my inner Gregory ...

For those of you unfamiliar with the South Park character, please allow me to get you up to speed. Gregory attended Yardale where he had a 4.0 grade point average. According to Wendy (far right in the bitchin' pink hat), "He's political and stuff."

If you are still confused as to just whom that it is I am speaking of, please do yourself a favor and rent "South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut". I gave it two thumbs up.

I will admit, I am not known for my political views - in all actually they're one of the few things I keep to myself, but I have to admit this sleeping bear has been poked [Insert your own joke here. Go ahead, I won't take that away from you]. As a matter of fact it has been poked so hard that not only is it speaking in the third person, but the stick caused an awakening from blogging hibernation.

Exactly whom or what is this proverbial stick [Ha.Ha. You're too funny. Get your mind out of the gutter, what would your mother think?] - the answer is simple, young Hollywood.

This rant has been stirring since the night Russell Brand bashed the Republican party during his intro monologue on the 2008 VMA's. In all honesty, he could have gone off about either party but I still would have been pissed ... Brand lives in Hampstead, London and is a British actor. READ: HE. CAN'T. VOTE. IN. AMERICA. PERIOD. This may come off as a silly thought, but if I am not helping to elect your Prime Minister, who gave you the hootzpah to speak out and tell me what my country needs? Exactly how many nights a year do you spend here anyways - and of those nights how many are you sober?

His display made me mad enough that I walked away from the TV and started thinking, is my generation, as well as our younger brothers and sister's, smart enough to discern between those influences we should trust and those we need to run screaming from?

Before I go any further, I would like to say that I am damn proud of the fact that I get to vote and voice my opinion in regard to the next president of my country; not everyone has that luxury. This is something I do not begrudge a single person ... with that being said, what does drive me crazy is the number of celebrities who think their opinion matters enough to influence an entire generation of voters instead of simply encouraging them to think for themselves. Everyone wants to be an individual, yet groupthink is always the hottest trend! And I am not the only one who agrees! May I present Exhibit A and Exhibit B. Want more proof, just google "celebrity + presidential election" - read and learn.

Coco and I mulled over this very same topic one night because well, she is kinda like a female Gregory, totally "political and stuff".

Her conclusion was: ”If you let a celebrity tell you how to vote, you are a moron and should lose the right to vote”

Mine was articulated with a few more words ...

"I think we should work on our own campaign – it will uncover the number of registered Elephants and Donkey's (asses would be too hard to differentiate between) in Hollywood then focus centrally on young Hollywood. Hopefully we can create enough of a buzz that we do in fact get a reality show and will also open the younger voters eyes to what crappy role models there are out there – P.Diddy/Diddy/Puff Daddy/Puff/whatever his name is today included!

If Paris Hilton (see her presidential ad here) can have a show to pick a new BFF, why can't Coco and I set out to answer the age old question, what happened to thinking for yourself?