Confession Twenty - Time Life Has a Collection for Every Occasion

I happened to be drinking Kool-Aid while watching a Suze Orman "women's power and how to make moo-la" special the other day when the PBS people decided to interrupt by begging viewers to donate to their cause. Personally, I found it strange that PBS would ask a demographic classified as "looking to save their currency" ... for some of that currency. It all seemed a little oxymoronic to me, but what do I know, I was in the midst of hanging on the word of some bottled blonde in a Matrix-like jacket telling me that I didn't ask to be paid enough at my job.

Because I had no intention to donate to PBS - when they start airing more concerts and less "This Old House" I will be more than happy to write a check - I started to channel surf and came upon something terrifying ...the TIMELIFE "Lifetime of Romance" infomercial. Bobby Vinton (some old singer) and June Chandler (She testified in a Michael Jackson trial, oh and I think she was an actress back in the day) were sitting on a couch in front of a fire place surrounded by roses and candles. I had to stop and look around for a moment because I thought there was a possibility either a puppy or a dove would serendipitously wander into my apartment without some semblance of warning.

Despite the fact that Nat King Cole was feature among the collections' 150 hits, it took everything I had not to chase my Kool-Aid with bleach. 150 love songs? Why would anyone subject themselves to such torture? I honestly thought a small drip of blood had already escaped from my ear but then realized it was just a result of the cheapie earring I had in. (That is the last time I buy earrings from a hippie at an art fair!)

Although I am a HUGE fan of the FlowerPower collection - don't act like you don't get a little excited when Henry Fonda and his cool hair come on screen - because it has badass artists like Janice Joplin, Jefferson Airplane and the Doors, even I can't sit through that whole sex-drug-and-rock-and-roll filled infomercial, giving this lacy, lovey, dovey celebration of condoms and Enzyte a snowballs' shot of catching my eye.

My good friend BOB (no that is not HIS photo - I think this BOB is a little shorter in stature and would never wear a tie) often finds the subject of his blogs to be "MUSIC YOU CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT Vol. X". Consider the list below not only a knock off of his musical expertise, but also the ONLY group compilation albums that TIMELIFE has yet to corner the market on ...

"Now That's Cracktastic!" - Featuring all of your favorites from the FlowerPower CD's with the addition of any an all former Mickey Mouse Kids and the majority of gansta rappers.

"Sugar High" - An unlikely mix of Mandy Moore (Candy), Def Leppard (Pour Some Sugar on Me), Soul For Real (Candy Rain), The Rollin' Stones (Brown Sugar), Jackson 5 (Candy Girl), 50 Cent (Candy Shop) and more!

"Jailbait" - Get ready to bring back those Mouseketters! Not only will Christina Aguilera's "Genie in a Bottle" follow Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus' "The Seven Things I Hate About You" but rap mogul R. Kelly is also scheduled to lay down a few tracks!

I already have the cover art ... think mugshots - Andy Warhol style.

Disclaimer: If you happen to see one of the aforementioned CD's being peddled at 4:00 a.m. please A. Put down the remote. 2. Hide your credit card. D. Get enough sleep that you can call and tell me all about it the next day! I even promise to split the money from my lawsuit with you, but NOT PSB! Suckas!